Happy Thanksgiving everyone! Let's all give our glory and thanks to the One and only who has given us more than we could ever deserve or ask for. Even in the pit of brokenness and emptiness The Lord continues to provide, it's just us who have to reach out to Him. He is all we need and will never leave us!
Continuing our story...
Once we committed to Waylon and Elva, I just love getting to say their names, we were anxious to get to meet them. However, as most of this adoption process had gone there was still a lot of waiting to be done. Again we called on our Heavenly Father to be near to us as we began a new kind of battle of emotions. Joy is the closest thing I can describe to what we were exploding with for the prospect of our family coming together. And then of course the enemy liked to throw in a little but of terror, fear, insecurity, and doubt. I have been told by many of my mothering friends that even when you become pregnant with your biological children that these are common emotions. So we fought through them and kept our eyes on the Joy, His Joy. Again, there is no way we would be in this amazing position without the touch and powerful move of God. I humbly admit my failures and lesser than holy moments of struggle with the whole pregnancy issue but God wanted to take us to this new place and open up our hearts to such a love we had never considered. No I don't think adoption is for everyone and that's hard to say just knowing how many kids there are in the foster care system (and there is always more than enough waiting parents for newborns) but the kids that get pushed to the side and remain in foster care need a home. A real home. But not everyone is called or cut out to be that family which is where the American church needs to step in and those families help support the foster system and connecting families that are called to adopt to those orphans. All that to say, this is no light matter. Adoption is hard. Adoption will test you physically emotionally and even mentally (are we sane to do what we are doing?), but it will also test your marriage and the strength of your closest relationships. It will test your faith and I honestly don't see how anyone without a strong faith (be that one that is growing in Christ, not my strength but His) can pursue this life.
These are the sacrifices and tests we are willing to endure... Bc Christ has given us the ability.
So in order to see the kids and begin the process of having them come into our lives forever we had to get the file. Every child in foster care will have a file. It's got their entire life history in there and it's a requirement for this type of program for you to see before you are given the next green light. What was frustrating for us after seeing their picture and laying down our lives to The Lord in commitment to them, was we had to wait several weeks to get the file. Talk about driving me crazy up the wall! Again I think I bugged HollyAnn relentlessly if she knew when they were sending us the file. After most of October, we finally got the news that the file was in route to our house. Woohoo!
The funny thing is that none of our family knew at this time that we had selected our kids so when the file came to our house and our little bro was playing with Sadie I kind of laughed bc we had to wait till he left to open it up. October 17th was the date, the cd was final in our grasp, the file that would tell us everything about their history, everything about why they had been taken from their family, and everything since then. I popped the CD in my computer... The whizzing started. 5 minutes later the file popped up. 980 pages of a PDF file.
980 pages.
It was 8 o'clock when I started reading and reading and reading, started crying, read some more, would stop to catch up Robert (I read faster), blow my nose here, read some more, went through emotions from anger to sadness to relief to despair and back again, kept reading, 10 pm, 11 pm, 12 am, kept reading, I felt like I was covering the most important textbook ever given to me in one night, nothing would have kept me from finishing every single page. I didn't want to miss one thing, I was essentially reading my kids life story instead of getting to see it firsthand. I even get emotional writing this bc I know that there is 6 and 8 years of their life that I will never get back. Every medical record, CPS file, police report, doctors visit, everything was in that file. I finally finished it at 1 am. All I could do was sigh and pray. God, this is their past. This is what they have lived through. All these years we can't get back, but how I thank you for taking them from this and allowing them to be redeemed. Their past is not our future, God. We have new life in you as Born again Christians, how much more will these children have a new life by coming into our home. God we are scared but so are they. Give us all the direction and the peace in your name, Amen.
The details that were in the file will remain there, for they are not important anymore. Yes there will come a day that we may have to show it to them, but I pray God will wipe all the memories away. I praise The Lord for keeping them safe. They are healthy, smart (maybe too smart), creative, and playful children, but they are also broken, damaged, and hurt. The emotions and blueprints from their past don't disappear in a day so we know that there will be tough days and good days and necessary help from outside sources but it's all worth it. I will say that our children, praise The Lord, were never exposed to physical abuse as far as we can tell, but other abuses have tainted their little souls until God can provide them full healing which I know will come one day.
It all will be ok, one day.
They will be part of our family, one day.
And one day, they will trust The Lord with their lives. That will be the best day.
Thank you for everyone's support. We are truly blown away and overwhelmed as things are now moving faster than ever. Through His graces we will bring these kids home soon.
Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is Gods will for you in Christ Jesus. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
This by the way is mine and Roberts favorite verse :)
Wednesday, November 27, 2013
Friday, November 22, 2013
The Day that Changed Our Lives
There are no words for how scary and exquisitely excited I am to write this post. I know you want to skip down to the bottom to catch the BIG NEWS but please read everything first.
God is wonderful. His timing is perfect. His love reaches beyond our wildest imaginations and beyond the depths of the deepest ocean. It is through that love that He has led us to this amazing point in our lives...
On September 26th I was having a tough day with the whole waiting thing. I was getting extra anxious that we weren't getting any profiles or any names or any steps in any direction for this adoption. I just wanted to crawl into a hole and scream. I prayed hard and shed many tears asking God for another sign, another confirmation (aren't we silly humans, as if He hadn't already confirmed enough for me), that we were doing everything we needed to, that we were going in the right direction. As I was battling my emotions and my faith, I finally came to the end of my rope and surrendered everything to God... Then He answered me (again).
I received two phone calls that night from two different friends that just out of the blue wanted to call and offer encouragement in the adoption process. Thank you God for your presence when we need it most! My anxiety and my jittery heart was instantly calmed from talking to these two women. I began to tell myself that I most likely wasn't going to meet my children this year and that I should just relax and continue to focus on prayer. Little did I know!
September 27th (Friday)
We received The Call that changed our lives. HollyAnn said she had a profile of a boy and a girl, a little on the older side of what we were asking for, and she wanted to know if we were interested.
Ummmm, yes.
I was at work when I got the call, I began to pray and pray, God what if this is it? God we asked you from the beginning to not have to make us say no, but to give us that certainty feeling when we were presented with the right profile. Well, after I got off work I just couldn't help smiling. I called Robert and asked what he thought. All we had were two names, two ages, and a small blurb on their past. Robert and I both felt strongly that this was worth pursuing, that we were feeling enough of a tug to dive deeper into these children's lives and pray for the possibility of a future.
That afternoon, we had the privilege of seeing the first pictures of our son and daughter. We also had to go through the painstaking details of their past and reading the reason for why they were properties of the state in foster care in the first place. While there are so many things that these precious little ones have had to endure, the details are not important because God has led them to our doorstep and we have nothing but the future ahead of us. We took the weekend to pray, consulting some of our most trusted prayer partners, and on Sunday evening, we committed to the children. We knew we were signing up for the love and safety and security of these precious beings but also for the tears, the fears, and the pain from helping them overcome their past and accept the life and future ahead of them. But no matter the risks and no matter the uncertainties, we were ready to jump head first into their hearts, into God's arms.
I am delighted to take you now on a new journey with us... the journey to and through our parenthood.
So without further ado, I proudly announce that we are adopting a little girl, Elva age 6, and her adorable brother, Waylon age 8.
Pictures say a thousand words, but we arent ready to release their picture on the internet just yet. There are alot of fears with adoption and we want to keep these kids safe for the time being until they are officially ours. The plan is, we will have them before Christmas. Then they stay with us as our unofficial children for 6 months and then we can officially adopt them. This will be a fun and trying time for us, but our hearts are open and ready, what more could we ask for :)
If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing. Love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
1Corinthians 13:3-4
God is wonderful. His timing is perfect. His love reaches beyond our wildest imaginations and beyond the depths of the deepest ocean. It is through that love that He has led us to this amazing point in our lives...
On September 26th I was having a tough day with the whole waiting thing. I was getting extra anxious that we weren't getting any profiles or any names or any steps in any direction for this adoption. I just wanted to crawl into a hole and scream. I prayed hard and shed many tears asking God for another sign, another confirmation (aren't we silly humans, as if He hadn't already confirmed enough for me), that we were doing everything we needed to, that we were going in the right direction. As I was battling my emotions and my faith, I finally came to the end of my rope and surrendered everything to God... Then He answered me (again).
I received two phone calls that night from two different friends that just out of the blue wanted to call and offer encouragement in the adoption process. Thank you God for your presence when we need it most! My anxiety and my jittery heart was instantly calmed from talking to these two women. I began to tell myself that I most likely wasn't going to meet my children this year and that I should just relax and continue to focus on prayer. Little did I know!
September 27th (Friday)
We received The Call that changed our lives. HollyAnn said she had a profile of a boy and a girl, a little on the older side of what we were asking for, and she wanted to know if we were interested.
Ummmm, yes.
I was at work when I got the call, I began to pray and pray, God what if this is it? God we asked you from the beginning to not have to make us say no, but to give us that certainty feeling when we were presented with the right profile. Well, after I got off work I just couldn't help smiling. I called Robert and asked what he thought. All we had were two names, two ages, and a small blurb on their past. Robert and I both felt strongly that this was worth pursuing, that we were feeling enough of a tug to dive deeper into these children's lives and pray for the possibility of a future.
That afternoon, we had the privilege of seeing the first pictures of our son and daughter. We also had to go through the painstaking details of their past and reading the reason for why they were properties of the state in foster care in the first place. While there are so many things that these precious little ones have had to endure, the details are not important because God has led them to our doorstep and we have nothing but the future ahead of us. We took the weekend to pray, consulting some of our most trusted prayer partners, and on Sunday evening, we committed to the children. We knew we were signing up for the love and safety and security of these precious beings but also for the tears, the fears, and the pain from helping them overcome their past and accept the life and future ahead of them. But no matter the risks and no matter the uncertainties, we were ready to jump head first into their hearts, into God's arms.
I am delighted to take you now on a new journey with us... the journey to and through our parenthood.
So without further ado, I proudly announce that we are adopting a little girl, Elva age 6, and her adorable brother, Waylon age 8.
Pictures say a thousand words, but we arent ready to release their picture on the internet just yet. There are alot of fears with adoption and we want to keep these kids safe for the time being until they are officially ours. The plan is, we will have them before Christmas. Then they stay with us as our unofficial children for 6 months and then we can officially adopt them. This will be a fun and trying time for us, but our hearts are open and ready, what more could we ask for :)
If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing. Love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
1Corinthians 13:3-4
Thursday, November 14, 2013
Sometimes We are Called to Wait
Following our adoptive training in April/May, we were pleased to finally be able announce to our family and friends about the adoption. After we surprised our family, we knew we had to tell our "other" children asap... the youth group. They mean so much to us that it was important for us to include them in being some of the first to know. We wanted them to know that we weren't going to abandon them for our new children, but that we wanted their help and their support as they will be like big brothers and sisters to our kiddos. They were excited to say the least... and they requested we get Mexican kids... will keep that in mind :)
So the word was now out and I felt like I was stripping away my soul for the world to stare at nakedly. Of course I was expecting the obvious questions to come creeping back in... can you not get pregnant? Have ya'll been tested? What if you do get pregnant? I bet you will get pregnant after you adopt... bla bla all that. And you already know my stance on those questions and comments... I dislike them heavily. Adoption is a calling, not a form of fertility treatment. and Adoption does not mean that someone failed at pregnancy. But I gritted my teeth and answered them with as much grace as I could bc I knew that somehow through this process God was going to get the glory and I certainly didn't want the focus to be on myself. And I will state it again as it is the most important thing to remember through this journey... My life is nothing without Christ and the path He has chosen to lead us down is the path we never want to stray from, no matter the good, the bad, the hard, the joys, the tears, the pain, God has made a way and it is through HIS strength that we follow His lead in our lives.
Ok now thats cleared up... to continue:
It was a very joyous and nervous time for us to share our news with the world. As we answered questions and told the same story over and over again I just prayed that people would see that God was working in our lives. We were told that we were now just waiting for paperwork to finalize (our Home Study which turned out to be a 15 page report on our lives and family) and then to find the right profile. When I say profile I mean the small blurb of detail about a child or group of children that you have to decide if you want to pursue them or not. In May to June we received only 2 profiles, one of a sibling group of three kids and one of a sibling group of two. Each profile carried something that just didn't seem right for us. I never thought saying no to a picture and some names would be so hard, like I was throwing these kids in the garbage. Knowing that each little smile was looking for a family, but also knowing that I wasn't right for them. It was a tough emotion to swallow.
It was then, after spending much time in prayer and saying no to those two profiles that I decided that this was going to be the hardest thing we have ever faced in our young lives. I prayed a very specific prayer to God, and one that I know He will honor. I asked Him to spare us from having to reject and turn down any amount of children (bc lets face it, they aren't profiles but actual children's lives) and that when we opened the right profile that we would know without a shadow of a doubt that we were to pursue these kids. Essentially I was asking him to not give us any profiles except The ONE that He knew was waiting for us. Oh how sometimes God gives us our prayers directly as a blessing, but also as a curse.
I can't say that I'm much of a good wait-er but I was about to find out just how much of a wait-er I was going to have to be. Just as I had the previous year anxiously watched for signs that I was pregnant, I began to watch for the number on my email to change in hopes that one of those emails was a profile. And each time it wasn't, I was so disappointed and sad. I knew God had the perfect timing in His mind, but I also knew that all we needed was that profile and things would change. Poor HollyAnn... she was patient with us... ok with me, as I often texted her "anything new? any word?" countless times, to which she would reply "not yet, this is just how adoption goes sometimes". Grrr. Waiting is not fun. Like a kid waiting for their birthday party to start or for Christmas or candy or something, I have found that I am not good at being still and just waiting.
So many questions, God. How long will we have to wait? How long till we know what their faces look like, what their names are, what they like, dislike, what makes them unique, what does their laugh sound like, what makes them smile, what are the color of their eyes, how tall are they, what do they dream about, what are their favorite things, what foods do they eat, where have they been, when can we bring them home?
Wait. God calls us sometimes to Wait. Good thing is, He is walking through the wait with us.
For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven...a time to cry and a time to laugh. A time to grieve and a time to dance.
Ecclesiastes 3:1 and 4
So the word was now out and I felt like I was stripping away my soul for the world to stare at nakedly. Of course I was expecting the obvious questions to come creeping back in... can you not get pregnant? Have ya'll been tested? What if you do get pregnant? I bet you will get pregnant after you adopt... bla bla all that. And you already know my stance on those questions and comments... I dislike them heavily. Adoption is a calling, not a form of fertility treatment. and Adoption does not mean that someone failed at pregnancy. But I gritted my teeth and answered them with as much grace as I could bc I knew that somehow through this process God was going to get the glory and I certainly didn't want the focus to be on myself. And I will state it again as it is the most important thing to remember through this journey... My life is nothing without Christ and the path He has chosen to lead us down is the path we never want to stray from, no matter the good, the bad, the hard, the joys, the tears, the pain, God has made a way and it is through HIS strength that we follow His lead in our lives.
Ok now thats cleared up... to continue:
It was a very joyous and nervous time for us to share our news with the world. As we answered questions and told the same story over and over again I just prayed that people would see that God was working in our lives. We were told that we were now just waiting for paperwork to finalize (our Home Study which turned out to be a 15 page report on our lives and family) and then to find the right profile. When I say profile I mean the small blurb of detail about a child or group of children that you have to decide if you want to pursue them or not. In May to June we received only 2 profiles, one of a sibling group of three kids and one of a sibling group of two. Each profile carried something that just didn't seem right for us. I never thought saying no to a picture and some names would be so hard, like I was throwing these kids in the garbage. Knowing that each little smile was looking for a family, but also knowing that I wasn't right for them. It was a tough emotion to swallow.
It was then, after spending much time in prayer and saying no to those two profiles that I decided that this was going to be the hardest thing we have ever faced in our young lives. I prayed a very specific prayer to God, and one that I know He will honor. I asked Him to spare us from having to reject and turn down any amount of children (bc lets face it, they aren't profiles but actual children's lives) and that when we opened the right profile that we would know without a shadow of a doubt that we were to pursue these kids. Essentially I was asking him to not give us any profiles except The ONE that He knew was waiting for us. Oh how sometimes God gives us our prayers directly as a blessing, but also as a curse.
I can't say that I'm much of a good wait-er but I was about to find out just how much of a wait-er I was going to have to be. Just as I had the previous year anxiously watched for signs that I was pregnant, I began to watch for the number on my email to change in hopes that one of those emails was a profile. And each time it wasn't, I was so disappointed and sad. I knew God had the perfect timing in His mind, but I also knew that all we needed was that profile and things would change. Poor HollyAnn... she was patient with us... ok with me, as I often texted her "anything new? any word?" countless times, to which she would reply "not yet, this is just how adoption goes sometimes". Grrr. Waiting is not fun. Like a kid waiting for their birthday party to start or for Christmas or candy or something, I have found that I am not good at being still and just waiting.
So many questions, God. How long will we have to wait? How long till we know what their faces look like, what their names are, what they like, dislike, what makes them unique, what does their laugh sound like, what makes them smile, what are the color of their eyes, how tall are they, what do they dream about, what are their favorite things, what foods do they eat, where have they been, when can we bring them home?
Wait. God calls us sometimes to Wait. Good thing is, He is walking through the wait with us.
For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven...a time to cry and a time to laugh. A time to grieve and a time to dance.
Ecclesiastes 3:1 and 4
Wednesday, November 13, 2013
Prayerfully Consider...
I know it has been awhile and I hate that it has, but when you are tired and working on many projects you just have to put somethings aside for awhile... that being said I haven't gone anywhere :)
Last time I talked about how we committed to the Waiting Child program through our adoption agency, Addy's Hope. The next thing to do was to fill out the application. Now I'm putting this in here because again this my healing, releasing the emotions that went along with this process. Essentially filling out this application was the same equivalent to taking a pregnancy test... it was our beginning. The only difference is, when you find out your pregnant you don't get to pick and choose the ingredients for your child. They are part of the combination of genetics between the man and woman... in our case, however, we had a lot of things to consider. After you fill out your name, address, bla bla all that... you come to a section that for our agency said "Prayerfully consider any diagnosis and disabilities that you would accept in your home." Wow. Prayerfully consider... the list was quite large.
So pray we did.
And let me just say, I work as a physical therapist for children and adults of all ages (from birth to 90+)... and I have seen just about every diagnosis and disability that was listed on that page. It was extremely a struggle for me to pick and choose what I wanted, or more so what God wanted in our children. I had the opportunity to do what most parents only hope and pray for... choose the characteristics of a healthy child. Normal parents don't get a say if their child is missing a limb, is bling, deaf, or has developmental delays... but here on this paper we had a choice. I will say that God helped us fill out that page and we prayed over each item specifically. In the end the check marks were done and we moved to the rest of the application... (telling about our family which was easy to do so I won't go on about that).
After turning in our application, it seemed like everything went suddenly so fast. April is much of a blur to me as we began the next phase in our process... TRAINING.
Amidst acquiring all necessary documents and paperwork (yes there is a lot more than just an application), we began training to become adoptive parents. Robert and I with Holly Ann and another couple spent over 30 hours together reviewing the bad, the worst, and the even worse situations that our potential kids could have, most likely did, and definitely experienced from birth to whatever age they come to us. There were a few tears, several awkward moments, and lots of highs in our emotions. This training helped us to see past just a child who may throw a fit or steal or hide or run away... it helped us see the hurt they had gone through and the mindset behind the behavior. I wish every parent could go through this bc if I was having a baby I would feel more ready to understand my child and a little more in the know.
This training covered various levels of abuse, feelings and emotions regarding the abuser and the abused, typical behavior patterns, what not to do and what you need to do, and opening up a world of resources for us to pursue. I feel that this training helped me understand my patients at work better and I now have a different mindset when they get upset or throw a fit depending on their lifestyle circumstances.
30 hours of training... we squeezed it into every spare few hours we had...after work, on the weekends between events, you name it we were training fools. And I appreciate Holly Ann for being so willing to accommodate our schedules but to also not drag out the training over months and months bc after the training we had a lot more things waiting for us and we needed to have our time invested in those things while our hearts were so invested in the adoption.
The technicalities were pretty much over with after the training. We had to have a home study as required by all adopting and foster parents but with Holly Ann it was quite fun having her ask use questions about our marriage, family, our relationship with each other, with other kids, our church, and so on. So we were ready to start looking for our kids... to start seeing faces and reading stories and preparing our home for their arrival... but God had a few more lessons for us to learn first. A lesson in Waiting.
Romans 15:13 May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with HOPE by the power of the Holy Spirit.
Last time I talked about how we committed to the Waiting Child program through our adoption agency, Addy's Hope. The next thing to do was to fill out the application. Now I'm putting this in here because again this my healing, releasing the emotions that went along with this process. Essentially filling out this application was the same equivalent to taking a pregnancy test... it was our beginning. The only difference is, when you find out your pregnant you don't get to pick and choose the ingredients for your child. They are part of the combination of genetics between the man and woman... in our case, however, we had a lot of things to consider. After you fill out your name, address, bla bla all that... you come to a section that for our agency said "Prayerfully consider any diagnosis and disabilities that you would accept in your home." Wow. Prayerfully consider... the list was quite large.
So pray we did.
And let me just say, I work as a physical therapist for children and adults of all ages (from birth to 90+)... and I have seen just about every diagnosis and disability that was listed on that page. It was extremely a struggle for me to pick and choose what I wanted, or more so what God wanted in our children. I had the opportunity to do what most parents only hope and pray for... choose the characteristics of a healthy child. Normal parents don't get a say if their child is missing a limb, is bling, deaf, or has developmental delays... but here on this paper we had a choice. I will say that God helped us fill out that page and we prayed over each item specifically. In the end the check marks were done and we moved to the rest of the application... (telling about our family which was easy to do so I won't go on about that).
After turning in our application, it seemed like everything went suddenly so fast. April is much of a blur to me as we began the next phase in our process... TRAINING.
Amidst acquiring all necessary documents and paperwork (yes there is a lot more than just an application), we began training to become adoptive parents. Robert and I with Holly Ann and another couple spent over 30 hours together reviewing the bad, the worst, and the even worse situations that our potential kids could have, most likely did, and definitely experienced from birth to whatever age they come to us. There were a few tears, several awkward moments, and lots of highs in our emotions. This training helped us to see past just a child who may throw a fit or steal or hide or run away... it helped us see the hurt they had gone through and the mindset behind the behavior. I wish every parent could go through this bc if I was having a baby I would feel more ready to understand my child and a little more in the know.
This training covered various levels of abuse, feelings and emotions regarding the abuser and the abused, typical behavior patterns, what not to do and what you need to do, and opening up a world of resources for us to pursue. I feel that this training helped me understand my patients at work better and I now have a different mindset when they get upset or throw a fit depending on their lifestyle circumstances.
30 hours of training... we squeezed it into every spare few hours we had...after work, on the weekends between events, you name it we were training fools. And I appreciate Holly Ann for being so willing to accommodate our schedules but to also not drag out the training over months and months bc after the training we had a lot more things waiting for us and we needed to have our time invested in those things while our hearts were so invested in the adoption.
The technicalities were pretty much over with after the training. We had to have a home study as required by all adopting and foster parents but with Holly Ann it was quite fun having her ask use questions about our marriage, family, our relationship with each other, with other kids, our church, and so on. So we were ready to start looking for our kids... to start seeing faces and reading stories and preparing our home for their arrival... but God had a few more lessons for us to learn first. A lesson in Waiting.
Romans 15:13 May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with HOPE by the power of the Holy Spirit.
Tuesday, October 22, 2013
Taking The Next Step
Deciding to move forward with the adoption meant changing several things...going into secret mode which is not fun as we are pretty open and honest with our families and friends... deciding not to start some projects until we knew what we were getting into (like putting down hard wood floors, oh how I wish we could still do this, maybe someday)... and we had to work on our prayer life, our marriage communication, and our relationship with God.
Not that our marriage or relationship with God was struggling, but you have to remember that we had gone through one year of questioning God, having out emotions tugged in every direction, having my hopes and dreams diverted to new hopes and dreams, etc... our communication with each other and with God needed some time to tune up :) I truly appreciate our family and friends who gave us bonding and relationship advice at a time that you may have not even known that we needed it... just goes to show how God works through people when we don't expect it!
So moving forward, taking the next step, we had to choose an adoption agency. I can't tell you how crazy lost I was when I typed in "adoption agencies in Texas" into google... I mean wow I was just overwhelmed. I prayed for direction and then I remembered a conversation I had with a friend at the beginning of the year. I had just shared with this friend how I wasn't going to be having kids because of what God had told me and she immediately started talking to me about adoption if we became interested in adoption (at that time I wasn't sure)... so she mentions to me a friend of hers, Holly Ann Petree, and that I should email her.
Somewhere in my phone I saved her email address and name so I looked her up and her agency, Addy's Hope.
Addy's Hope was founded by John and Holly Ann Petree in memory of their daughter, Addy. In 2004, The Petree's set out to adopt from Sierra Leon, Africa. Addy was in every way their daughter, but contracted Cholera and died before she was able to be given the right help and make it home to her new family. God then lead them down the path to create Addy's Hope in order to help families add to their homes and to save orphans all over the world. Just reading the story itself was enough for God to give me the signals I needed. I contacted Holly Ann in January, but to give us more time to prepare ourselves and our marriage for what was to come, we didn't end up getting to meet with her until March 20th.
I apologize to all my family and friends for the...ummm... little white lies that were told during this time... we had to keep this a secret until we knew what we were up against, and when I had to sneak away to that lunch on that Wednesday, I had to make up some good excuses bc some of you people are crafty and clever, lol!
So we met with Holly Ann and all I could remember was praying "God is this it, is this our agency, is this our path, please give us peace about this and a clear decision!" Holly Ann began talking with us on the different types of adoption, different types that I had never even heard of. We knew we wanted to adopt domestically because Robert has always shared his heart for kids and teens in this state and area. We also knew that we may or may not be able to afford adoption of a baby or infant, but we wanted to know everything. Finding out that infant adoption can be over 30 grand was litterally painful to hear. It just didn't feel right to us when she was talking about baby adoption.
Then she mentioned a program where you adopt from children who have been in the "system" for over a year and or have their parental rights terminated. A program called Waiting Child. In this program, the children who shuffle through the foster care system for a year have their parent's rights terminated meaning they can no longer go back to their families for whatever reason determined by the courts, so the child is placed on the Waiting Child List. This means that the child will be at least a year old if not older. There are thousands of older kids who are placed on this list their whole childhood because they are overlooked for younger kids. If the child turns 18 years while in this program (without being adopted), they are adopted out of the system and basically thrown to the wolves of life, wished good luck, but let go without anything. To type this still just breaks my heart for all those children who feel unloved and unwanted enough that they don't get adopted and then they have no stability or family to fall back on. Robert and I have a huge heart for these kids and while we may not be in the position to adopt these older children at our age, we hope to come up with more solutions for their furture... but thats another post :)
We knew this Waiting Child program was for us. And while we had so many questions and uncertainties, we were ready to commit blindly trusting our faith. It was a strong bold step in the right direction towards our future.
If you or anyone has questions about the Waiting Child program or how you can support these children, please email me at fowler1006@yahoo.com.
James 1:27
Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.
Not that our marriage or relationship with God was struggling, but you have to remember that we had gone through one year of questioning God, having out emotions tugged in every direction, having my hopes and dreams diverted to new hopes and dreams, etc... our communication with each other and with God needed some time to tune up :) I truly appreciate our family and friends who gave us bonding and relationship advice at a time that you may have not even known that we needed it... just goes to show how God works through people when we don't expect it!
So moving forward, taking the next step, we had to choose an adoption agency. I can't tell you how crazy lost I was when I typed in "adoption agencies in Texas" into google... I mean wow I was just overwhelmed. I prayed for direction and then I remembered a conversation I had with a friend at the beginning of the year. I had just shared with this friend how I wasn't going to be having kids because of what God had told me and she immediately started talking to me about adoption if we became interested in adoption (at that time I wasn't sure)... so she mentions to me a friend of hers, Holly Ann Petree, and that I should email her.
Somewhere in my phone I saved her email address and name so I looked her up and her agency, Addy's Hope.
Addy's Hope was founded by John and Holly Ann Petree in memory of their daughter, Addy. In 2004, The Petree's set out to adopt from Sierra Leon, Africa. Addy was in every way their daughter, but contracted Cholera and died before she was able to be given the right help and make it home to her new family. God then lead them down the path to create Addy's Hope in order to help families add to their homes and to save orphans all over the world. Just reading the story itself was enough for God to give me the signals I needed. I contacted Holly Ann in January, but to give us more time to prepare ourselves and our marriage for what was to come, we didn't end up getting to meet with her until March 20th.
I apologize to all my family and friends for the...ummm... little white lies that were told during this time... we had to keep this a secret until we knew what we were up against, and when I had to sneak away to that lunch on that Wednesday, I had to make up some good excuses bc some of you people are crafty and clever, lol!
So we met with Holly Ann and all I could remember was praying "God is this it, is this our agency, is this our path, please give us peace about this and a clear decision!" Holly Ann began talking with us on the different types of adoption, different types that I had never even heard of. We knew we wanted to adopt domestically because Robert has always shared his heart for kids and teens in this state and area. We also knew that we may or may not be able to afford adoption of a baby or infant, but we wanted to know everything. Finding out that infant adoption can be over 30 grand was litterally painful to hear. It just didn't feel right to us when she was talking about baby adoption.
Then she mentioned a program where you adopt from children who have been in the "system" for over a year and or have their parental rights terminated. A program called Waiting Child. In this program, the children who shuffle through the foster care system for a year have their parent's rights terminated meaning they can no longer go back to their families for whatever reason determined by the courts, so the child is placed on the Waiting Child List. This means that the child will be at least a year old if not older. There are thousands of older kids who are placed on this list their whole childhood because they are overlooked for younger kids. If the child turns 18 years while in this program (without being adopted), they are adopted out of the system and basically thrown to the wolves of life, wished good luck, but let go without anything. To type this still just breaks my heart for all those children who feel unloved and unwanted enough that they don't get adopted and then they have no stability or family to fall back on. Robert and I have a huge heart for these kids and while we may not be in the position to adopt these older children at our age, we hope to come up with more solutions for their furture... but thats another post :)
We knew this Waiting Child program was for us. And while we had so many questions and uncertainties, we were ready to commit blindly trusting our faith. It was a strong bold step in the right direction towards our future.
If you or anyone has questions about the Waiting Child program or how you can support these children, please email me at fowler1006@yahoo.com.
James 1:27
Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.
Monday, October 14, 2013
It Comes Down to that Moment...
The road to adoption... its not a small lane or street... its a
highway that spans the country... its a marathon... I know that
pregnancy takes 9 months typically, which gives the mom time to prepare
for the coming of her child and gives both the parents time to bond...
so on and so on. But the path for adoption is a little different.
Not that I'm down playing pregnancy, I have no idea the physical hardships, pain, and joy that the woman's body goes through to become a mother. That being said... just go with me here.
To switch your mindset in such a short time from grieving for the babies you might never be able to carry... finding joy in God's promises despite the hurt exploding in your heart... then you come to acknowledge that you will never get that 9 months of feeling and watching a young child grow in you... to believing that despite all your heart's desires God's desires are much sweeter and beautiful... and then you start seeing this word over and over again and it gives you a little light of hope... you begin to pray and plead for answers... you begin to wrestle with your mind, am I causing my heart to start down a path that I'm creating, or is this really from you, God?... you want it to be real, but you are scared to let your heart get too excited, too caught up in the emotion...still you pray, you confide in the friends that God has placed in your life for guidance and counsel... you have to decide, how do I tell Robert?... it comes down to that moment, when it seems that He let go of your hand and He has forgotten about you...He shows you His goodness, God confirms your heart... He confirms that He wants you to pursue Adoption, or more that He is allowing you the joy and chance of still being a mother...and so you tell your husband, your best friend, your soul mate, that although you have dreamed of carrying his child, God has given you a new heart... to be a mother to the motherless, the orphans, the ones loved by God, but shunned by the world... and your heart spills out with a new kind of joy, a new kind of hope, and a strange seed of love that you know will grow and grow.
Then comes the decision to tell people... I have always imagined telling people that I was pregnant... but honestly, this was better. Yes, there were questions again (getting tested, knowing why, are we sure?) but we knew... and we felt God leading us every step of the way...
And the road wouldn't stop there... finding an agency... taking the next step to commit to the process... entrusting yourself and your future to someone you barely know... praying and praying and waiting and waiting... filling out paperwork that asks impossible questions... praying over the paperwork... sharing more news... answering more questions... praying and praying and crying and praying... dreaming and letting your mind just wonder... training and taking the classes that address the hard stuff, the things you may not have ever wanted to consider... grieving for a family that was broken... knowing that the ones you are ready to fall in love with may not understand or be ready, or be able to accept your love... praying for your children, whom you have never met, never known their names, and never even seen their faces... praying for their future, for their salvation, for their bonding and attachment with your family... and all the while waiting and praying and waiting and praying for the next process, for the next step, for their names, for their faces...
Oh yes, the road has been long, and no its not over. We still wait for the day we will know who our previous children may be... but we will pray and wait as long as we have to.
Isaiah 40:31 But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.
Not that I'm down playing pregnancy, I have no idea the physical hardships, pain, and joy that the woman's body goes through to become a mother. That being said... just go with me here.
To switch your mindset in such a short time from grieving for the babies you might never be able to carry... finding joy in God's promises despite the hurt exploding in your heart... then you come to acknowledge that you will never get that 9 months of feeling and watching a young child grow in you... to believing that despite all your heart's desires God's desires are much sweeter and beautiful... and then you start seeing this word over and over again and it gives you a little light of hope... you begin to pray and plead for answers... you begin to wrestle with your mind, am I causing my heart to start down a path that I'm creating, or is this really from you, God?... you want it to be real, but you are scared to let your heart get too excited, too caught up in the emotion...still you pray, you confide in the friends that God has placed in your life for guidance and counsel... you have to decide, how do I tell Robert?... it comes down to that moment, when it seems that He let go of your hand and He has forgotten about you...He shows you His goodness, God confirms your heart... He confirms that He wants you to pursue Adoption, or more that He is allowing you the joy and chance of still being a mother...and so you tell your husband, your best friend, your soul mate, that although you have dreamed of carrying his child, God has given you a new heart... to be a mother to the motherless, the orphans, the ones loved by God, but shunned by the world... and your heart spills out with a new kind of joy, a new kind of hope, and a strange seed of love that you know will grow and grow.
Then comes the decision to tell people... I have always imagined telling people that I was pregnant... but honestly, this was better. Yes, there were questions again (getting tested, knowing why, are we sure?) but we knew... and we felt God leading us every step of the way...
And the road wouldn't stop there... finding an agency... taking the next step to commit to the process... entrusting yourself and your future to someone you barely know... praying and praying and waiting and waiting... filling out paperwork that asks impossible questions... praying over the paperwork... sharing more news... answering more questions... praying and praying and crying and praying... dreaming and letting your mind just wonder... training and taking the classes that address the hard stuff, the things you may not have ever wanted to consider... grieving for a family that was broken... knowing that the ones you are ready to fall in love with may not understand or be ready, or be able to accept your love... praying for your children, whom you have never met, never known their names, and never even seen their faces... praying for their future, for their salvation, for their bonding and attachment with your family... and all the while waiting and praying and waiting and praying for the next process, for the next step, for their names, for their faces...
Oh yes, the road has been long, and no its not over. We still wait for the day we will know who our previous children may be... but we will pray and wait as long as we have to.
Isaiah 40:31 But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.
Monday, September 30, 2013
A New Page...A New Path
Moving on from the realization that our dreams had just taken a drastic change was hard at first, but happily peaceful. The most challenging thing was spreading the word to our family and close friends... the people who were pulling for us to be parents and were I think the most in anticipation for us to have kids. I can't say thank you enough to those friends who shared in the shedding of healing tears and for all the encouragement that we received. Having to be open and bear my soul out loud instead of keeping my "secret" inside was harder than you know. Still harder was all the times that I was asked "when are you going to have kids?" to which I would have to decide do I share the whole truth or just my simple answer of "whenever God wants." The truth was that I knew God was telling me that I had to trust Him and if He ever wanted to decide to give me kids, then it would be from Him and He would show me the way. I had to learn to die to my self (my desires, my wants) daily, and to pick up my cross (trusting in Him) and follow Christ.
And follow Christ is what I strove to do.
Naturally when someone is tested for or has an experience of infertility their mind drifts towards other ways to have children. Personally, (and this is just my opinion and what I know is right for me) I do not believe in artificial insemination or fertility treatments or the like to become pregnant. It just seems unnatural to me and not something that I feel God has called me to do. That being said, I had many questions about what we were gonna do next to create or obtain a child. This didn't offend me, but it made me uncomfortable. I still was mourning the loss of the pregnancy that I would never have and didn't want to think about the alternatives at that time.
But one word kept popping up in my mind...
Adoption
I mean this word was everywhere! On TV, ads on facebook (which are annoying fyi), in articles I read, in the news... adoption was everywhere. You know like when you buy a new car and then all you see on the road is the exact same car you purchased... adoption was everywhere I looked. Robert and I really didn't talk to much about this until I decided one day to go to Mardel and just look at books on adoption. I had heard about a book from a friend and decided to check it out. Adopted for Life by Russell D. Moore
After starting the book I knew it was time to talk to Robert.
Things kept adding up in my mind and through prayer I was given more and more signs pointing at adoption.
I will never forget that day, a Saturday in the cool winter air of 2012, when Robert and I were pulling up to a local restaurant for lunch. I had felt it was the right time and so I said "Robert, I want to talk to you about something."
He looked at me curiously, but then his expression changed as if God had whispered my thoughts in his ears and he said" Yes we should."
"Yes we should what?" I responded.
"Yes, we should talk about adoption."
Ok, God you must really be in this! After never having said anything to him about it... and he didn't know about the book yet, he mentions it out of the blue :)
So adoption. Could this be the path we would take? The path to a family, to some dream and plan that God had prepared a long time ago for us.
Yes... oh yes it could.
I wish I could quote some things from the book, but I gave the book to a friend. Russell Moore leads the way through he and his wife struggling with infertility, then coming to the decision to adopt, and their journey to adopt two small boys from Russia. He gives advice for families considering adoption or who are in adoption, how to deal with questions, things to consider before making a decision, and the good, the bad, and the sometimes ugly about the adoption process. He also relates adoption back to our spiritual adoption through Christ and how important it is for Christians and churches to band together and become better advocates for adoption. I actually would read this book while working out on my elliptical in the morning and one day it brought me to tears so thick that I basically fell off the machine... hidden camera would have won us millions I'm sure. Lol! This book is the place to start if you know someone who is going through adoption or if you are considering adoption yourself.
I will update you more and more on our adoption story in the next few posts. It hasn't been an easy ride, but its one worth rejoicing over :)
Luke 9:23 Then he said to them all: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me."
And follow Christ is what I strove to do.
Naturally when someone is tested for or has an experience of infertility their mind drifts towards other ways to have children. Personally, (and this is just my opinion and what I know is right for me) I do not believe in artificial insemination or fertility treatments or the like to become pregnant. It just seems unnatural to me and not something that I feel God has called me to do. That being said, I had many questions about what we were gonna do next to create or obtain a child. This didn't offend me, but it made me uncomfortable. I still was mourning the loss of the pregnancy that I would never have and didn't want to think about the alternatives at that time.
But one word kept popping up in my mind...
Adoption
I mean this word was everywhere! On TV, ads on facebook (which are annoying fyi), in articles I read, in the news... adoption was everywhere. You know like when you buy a new car and then all you see on the road is the exact same car you purchased... adoption was everywhere I looked. Robert and I really didn't talk to much about this until I decided one day to go to Mardel and just look at books on adoption. I had heard about a book from a friend and decided to check it out. Adopted for Life by Russell D. Moore
After starting the book I knew it was time to talk to Robert.
Things kept adding up in my mind and through prayer I was given more and more signs pointing at adoption.
I will never forget that day, a Saturday in the cool winter air of 2012, when Robert and I were pulling up to a local restaurant for lunch. I had felt it was the right time and so I said "Robert, I want to talk to you about something."
He looked at me curiously, but then his expression changed as if God had whispered my thoughts in his ears and he said" Yes we should."
"Yes we should what?" I responded.
"Yes, we should talk about adoption."
Ok, God you must really be in this! After never having said anything to him about it... and he didn't know about the book yet, he mentions it out of the blue :)
So adoption. Could this be the path we would take? The path to a family, to some dream and plan that God had prepared a long time ago for us.
Yes... oh yes it could.
I wish I could quote some things from the book, but I gave the book to a friend. Russell Moore leads the way through he and his wife struggling with infertility, then coming to the decision to adopt, and their journey to adopt two small boys from Russia. He gives advice for families considering adoption or who are in adoption, how to deal with questions, things to consider before making a decision, and the good, the bad, and the sometimes ugly about the adoption process. He also relates adoption back to our spiritual adoption through Christ and how important it is for Christians and churches to band together and become better advocates for adoption. I actually would read this book while working out on my elliptical in the morning and one day it brought me to tears so thick that I basically fell off the machine... hidden camera would have won us millions I'm sure. Lol! This book is the place to start if you know someone who is going through adoption or if you are considering adoption yourself.
I will update you more and more on our adoption story in the next few posts. It hasn't been an easy ride, but its one worth rejoicing over :)
Luke 9:23 Then he said to them all: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me."
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)