Monday, October 14, 2013

It Comes Down to that Moment...

The road to adoption... its not a small lane or street... its a highway that spans the country... its a marathon... I know that pregnancy takes 9 months typically, which gives the mom time to prepare for the coming of her child and gives both the parents time to bond... so on and so on. But the path for adoption is a little different.
Not that I'm down playing pregnancy, I have no idea the physical hardships, pain, and joy that the woman's body goes through to become a mother. That being said... just go with me here.

To switch your mindset in such a short time from grieving for the babies you might never be able to carry... finding joy in God's promises despite the hurt exploding in your heart... then you come to acknowledge that you will never get that 9 months of feeling and watching a young child grow in you... to believing that despite all your heart's desires God's desires are much sweeter and beautiful... and then you start seeing this word over and over again and it gives you a little light of hope... you begin to pray and plead for answers... you begin to wrestle with your mind, am I causing my heart to start down a path that I'm creating, or is this really from you, God?... you want it to be real, but you are scared to let your heart get too excited, too caught up in the emotion...still you pray, you confide in the friends that God has placed in your life for guidance and counsel... you have to decide, how do I tell Robert?... it comes down to that moment, when it seems that He let go of your hand and He has forgotten about you...He shows you His goodness, God confirms your heart... He confirms that He wants you to pursue Adoption, or more that He is allowing you the joy and chance of still being a mother...and so you tell your husband, your best friend, your soul mate, that although you have dreamed of carrying his child, God has given you a new heart... to be a mother to the motherless, the orphans, the ones loved by God, but shunned by the world... and your heart spills out with a new kind of joy, a new kind of hope, and a strange seed of love that you know will grow and grow.

Then comes the decision to tell people... I have always imagined telling people that I was pregnant... but honestly, this was better. Yes, there were questions again (getting tested, knowing why, are we sure?) but we knew... and we felt God leading us every step of the way...

And the road wouldn't stop there... finding an agency... taking the next step to commit to the process... entrusting yourself and your future to someone you barely know... praying and praying and waiting and waiting... filling out paperwork that asks impossible questions... praying over the paperwork... sharing more news... answering more questions... praying and praying and crying and praying... dreaming and letting your mind just wonder... training and taking the classes that address the hard stuff, the things you may not have ever wanted to consider... grieving for a family that was broken... knowing that the ones you are ready to fall in love with may not understand or be ready, or be able to accept your love... praying for your children, whom you have never met, never known their names, and never even seen their faces... praying for their future, for their salvation, for their bonding and attachment with your family... and all the while waiting and praying and waiting and praying for the next process, for the next step, for their names, for their faces...

Oh yes, the road has been long, and no its not over. We still wait for the day we will know who our previous children may be... but we will pray and wait as long as we have to.


Isaiah 40:31 But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.

1 comment:

The Roberts' said...

This is so, so beautiful to me. My heart for adoption is huge & it rejoices in reading about your heart & what you are feeling & going through. YES it's hard. YES it's scary. But isn't everything that's worth going through? & God is SO glorified! SO excited for y'all & can't wait to see what He does!!