Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Insomniac

I am an insomniac. Not medically diagnosed or anything, but I'm about 98.4% sure that I have insomnia seeing as I am tired and frustrated when I wake up. I've always had this problem... and truth be told my entire family minus my dad suffers with this... and I probably always will b/c of one known fact... my mind just won't shut-up! I think the reason I like writing these blogs is because it helps clear some pieces in my head... unfortunately I never go back and read these, I just can't stand to reread what I just wrote unless its for a grade, so I don't exactly know how random, boring, crazy, or whatever they are. So needless to say, these blogs are the leftovers of whatever random words fall out of my head. But imagine all this and so much more going on in my mind at once... yikes, yep I'm scared too haha. I'm pretty good at ignoring myself during the day, but when I get in bed the whole day and all the days ahead of me come crashing into my mind. Now I have gotten better at blocking some things out, but I have to say that I'm baffled by something... what do people think about before they fall asleep? I mean if I think about everything in the world and then sometimes somehow fall into my slumber, what do those people who fall asleep rather quickly (like my husband) think about to fall asleep? This may be a strange thing to think about, but it really does bother me that I can watch at least 2 hours on the clock go by before I've fallen asleep and it takes Robert 15 seconds. Sigh.

So for now just call me the insomniac. I should really sign up for a sleep study... but that would make me anxious I think... haha a never-ending battle. And don't say to try pills b/c I am definitely anti-medication...and I admit I've tried it, it worked, but I'm afraid of getting hooked on sleeping meds... so much about me you've just learned. Oh and I'm sure that the biggest part of my problem is stupid Restless Leg Syndrome b/c in the middle of the night I feel like I could just jump out of bed and run a couple miles (I don't b/c yeah right I don't like to run that much), but my legs are all jumpy. Poor Robert, he married an easy one didn't he :) Anyway, thanks for listening to my jarble, its a small thing that helps add to my happy sleep.

No comments: